Why Do Men Watch Porn?

Hi Mike,

Please help – it’s my husband… he’s obsessed with pornography. I only have to pop out for five minutes and he’s on his laptop doing his stuff. I’ve caught him out more times than I can count. It really is pathetic. I’ve told him it’s not acceptable and disgusting but he just won’t stop doing it. I’ve even caught him watching the stuff on his mobile phone! I want to understand why he is obsessed with porn. It’s making me feel so unwanted and unloved. How can I ever compare with those beautiful women in the films? What can I do to stop him?

Best Wishes,

Katherine, 32, Australia.

Hi Katherine,

So many women I know get hurt struggling to understand why their men watch porn, but the more you try to stop him, the more secretive his porn watching will become.

THE SCIENCE

Before you do anything you have to get into the mind of a man. Men see sex very differently to women. For girls, sex is something emotional and romantic, often being aroused by what they think. Men on the other hand are turned on by what they see – which porn compliments rather well. Just like magazines and romantic films are used by women to chill out, porn is a relaxing way to pass the time for most men. He does not do it because he finds you unattractive. Not in the slightest. Sit down and watch a porno, all the women are all “hot and ready” – so unrealistic – but a wonderful fantasy for a man. Porn compliments his unrealistic expectations or fantasies of women. I would say it is harmless, as long as it is done in moderation and doesn’t become a substitute for sex in “real life.”

PLAN OF ACTION: STOP THE FORBIDDEN FRUIT

Relationships are all about compromise and communication. You must tell him how porn makes you feel but also except that it is something he really enjoys. Together you have to except that men and women are programmed completely differently, so attempting to make them want the same things is futile.

To fix this problem you must stop porn from being the forbidden fruit. It then won’t be watched in secret and probably not as often as well. Plus, you won’t feel like he’s going behind your back all the time. Another solution would be to watch porn together so it becomes something you share. Talk about what turns you both on in the films. Who knows you could even come up with some ideas!

SUMMARY

The secret to success is compromise and communication. He can watch his porn from time to time as long as in return you can occasionally suggest a romantic evening with the massage oils without him turning his nose up.