Long Distance Relationships

Dear Mike & Rich,

I’m in a really long distance relationship with my boyfriend right now. He lives in NYC and I live in South East Asia. It’s been two years and started off OK, until his last visit. He has to do some research for college and it’s hard for him to spend time with me. He only texts about 10 times a week, no phone calls and we only skype like once every month. The time difference is also an obstacle too, every time I’m up he’s sleeping and vice versa. There are a couple of things I need to ask you:

1. With the time difference, I expect to receive at least a text message every time I wake up in the morning. I often hear from him for days at a time and it upsets me a bit. Am I asking too much?

2. Since it’s really hard to contact him, sometimes I think he is seeing someone else. Maybe because I don’t know whats going on over there. Is there any tips to stop me thinking about that? Can you tell the signs or change of behaviour if he really is cheating on me?

Thanks soooooooooooo much!

Sarah, South East Asia

Dear Sarah,

I’m going to be brutally honest with my advice here because that’s how I would be with any of my friends. In my experience, long distance relationships that aren’t only temporary never usually work. Relationships take a massive amount of hard-work and commitment from both people and this just simply can’t be done over text messages and Internet chats.

You didn’t mention how long you two have been together exactly, or whether you will be living nearer to each other in the near future. If you are, then your relationship may have a chance to survive with enough work from you both. It seems with so many obstacles in your way – time being the greatest, you’re never going to be properly fulfilled by the relationship; and how can you with so little contact.

You need to think of yourself Sarah. There is probably someone much closer , that you’ll be able to see more often, who you’ll be able to physically have contact with regularly. You asked in your message if you’re asking too much and the answer is yes. You’re asking too much of yourself and also of him. With such a huge distance between you both you’re putting a heavy strain on yourself and your happiness and it simply isn’t fair.

I could write you tips on how to stop thinking about him being with someone else but I’m not going to because I think you need to find someone closer that makes you happy. Human beings need companionship by nature and you’ll never get to experience that intimacy in its entirety when you only see him twice a year.

Please remain friends with him but my honest advice is to find someone you can have everything you deserve from a relationship with.

Remember to put your own happiness first – otherwise you’ll miss out on so much.

Good Luck Sarah.

With Love,

Rich