I Was Raped – Please Help
Mike,
I don’t mind you publishing this on your site, as I know it will help other girls who are feeling as terrible as I am right now, to feel that little less alone. Last weekend I was raped after meeting this guy on our first date. Going back to his place when I barely knew him was a stupid thing to do, but I was a little drunk and he had been brilliant fun all evening.
I’m not going to go into details but when I said stop, he basically didn’t -and what followed was one of the most harrowing and frustrating moments of my life. I can’t put into words what it feels like to have your body touched against your will and be hurt but be so frightened you can’t even call out for help. I don’t mean to sound dramatic but it really was disgusting.
I can’t face going back to work, I’m in my room everyday crying and I can’t have enough showers. The guy even wanted to meet me again! It makes me sick thinking about it and I can’t help thinking that I shouldn’t have led him on and it’s my fault, which upsets me even more. I have notified the police and I’m being advised legally – but emotionally I am a wreck. Any advice would be great.
Thank you,
Joanna, 28, Dorset
Joanna,
One of the most hurtful and ignorant responses to the issue of rape, is that the girl “brought it on herself” or “led the guy on,” which is just disgusting. Please understand that your actions can never cause someone to do something ruthless and therefore it is not your fault.
Firstly, you must go and see a doctor or health professional and get yourself checked out. It may seem embarrassing or intimidating but you must ensure you have not contracted anything from this man. Facing the problem head-on and dealing with the situation practically is essential.
Taking time off work is a brilliant idea, but don’t spend your days alone crying girl! Surround yourself with friends and talk about it as much as possible. It may sound like a stupid idea, no one wants to hear about your private problems right? But it is not something to be ashamed of and as hard as it seems, discussing it will help you come to terms with what’s happened and eventually it won’t seem as raw. Your friends won’t judge you. Remember that.
Now, the fact the guy wants to see you again suggests he doesn’t think he has done anything wrong, which is a problem. Informing the police was the best thing to do. Please let them deal with it and don’t take matters into your own hands and contact the man yourself, not to say you would. It’s important to keep your distance when taking legal action.
I’m so sorry to read your e-mail Joanna. No one ever deserves to deal with this, but you sound like a sensible and inspirational woman, who will get over this. Thank you very much for letting my publish your letter. As you say, it will undoubtedly help women in the same situation realise they are not alone in their situation. Please keep in contact.
Mike x
What's up - I'm Rich, and this is my blog, ReallyRich.com - Your Online Gay Best Friend. I'm a pretty average British guy. I love tea, I hate spiders. Don't forget to catch me on Facebook and Twitter!
Hi,
I was raped few days ago. It happened quite similar to what you have described. And I also felt the same. In my case I didn’t fight,because I thought I might get my body damaged. I know how destroyed you feel like,and I know how sick you are of your own body and of …the situation. For example I am too ashamed to tell anyone who I do not know,or go to the police. The smell which is foreign to my body drives me crazy,and I aso took so many showers. i just have a single person who I told I got raped. I asked: should I go now to the police? Will that solve my problem?
I just told myself that it was worse some other moments in my life,and I can get over this. Maybe it helps,not sure,but I sleep alot after that. And crying helps. if you feel like, just let your tears drop. Take your time,and trust others. You will find support in your friends. I had found support in close people. I was telling myself that it was my fault of going there,and it was my fault of drinking. My close told me that it is not my fault. Now I think that he used my body but he didn’t use my soul. It helps. It will take timefor me to heal this feeling. The way you talk I know you are strong and you can get over that. I offer you my good thoughts.
Girls, I don’t know what you’ve been through – but something that I have found that helped when I have been really depressed, was a change of hairstyle. I know this sounds like a ridiculous suggestion, compared to what has happened to you, but a new hairstyle can make you feel fresh and different. It won’t make everything better, but I think it will help to make you feel a little more positive.
Good Luck girls and I hope you enjoy the swiftly aproaching summer.
X
This too hapend to me and am not sure of what to do but i wish you quick recovery
Joanna,
you are a strong, sensible and an inspirational women and you deserve to be noticed. You’ve been through a hard and horrible time but you are getting on with your life.
I wish you all the best!!
xxx
I am so sorry to hear that.
I know how it feels the same happened to me, i was only 14 when it happened. it was really hard i thought about it every day. you just have to keep your head up and remember its not your fault at all. what he did was very wrong. when you start to think about it and get sad just remember its not worth it and theres more things in life to look forward too. it also helps if you start dating so it distracts you. also remember, not all guys are creeps keep your distance at first and learn about them. it really helps tho. i hope it all goes well. again i am really sorry to hear that.
Hi gal m sori 2 hea dat n jus wantd 2 let u knw dat u nt alne been thru it 1 too many times it never gets better bt it sho gets easier
Hey ladies,
If you have any items left over from that night that you were raped, hopefully they have semen on them, and that will help in a legal trial.
(Not to be vulgar)
You have been through a horrifying event, and you need to heal. If that means taking a month off of work and finding yourself. Do it. You have been taken advantage of, and in the worst way possible, this is going to affect you emotionally, physically, sexually, relationship wise, trust wise, and reaction (to men, people, questions) everything for a very long time.
I’ve put myself in many precarious situations, and its been with men that are less then trustworthy, I’ve been taken advantage of but never raped, and even being taken advantage of in the ways I was tramatized to the point of it changing many things in my way of reacting and life… A man should never take advantage, and if he does he should know better.
I will say that a lot of women put themselves in bad situations and believe that they will be ok- because their first impression was good, but thats what causes these types of situations – Don’t trust that every tom dick and harry is a nice guy. Women need to think ahead more often.
I’m not saying that this gives the man a right to touch you, but it certainly gives him the option…
You’re not at fault for this happening to you, stay smart about where you go and with who -