How Do I Tell My Best Friend Her Boyfriend Isn’t Good Enough?

Q: Dear Rich, my best friend has been going out with this guy for 18 months and he’s really no good for her. She’s really undersold herself and I feel like she is wasted on him. Should I tell my friend how I feel and if so, how should I break the news? Amy, Hertfordshire, UK.

Dear Amy,

This is a difficult question and you should certainly handle the situation with care to ensure you don’t upset your friend. I have been in this uncomfortable situation before with my best friend Jill and it isn’t easy so don’t feel like you’re alone.

My first piece of advice would be to assess the whole situation from an outsider’s point of view. Your friend has obviously chosen this guy for a reason, so first try to understand why your friend is with him and what is positive about him. Be sure not to confuse your personal dislike for him with what is best for your friend – these are two very different things!

If you really feel you must be honest with your friend then I’d suggest you arrange some one-to-one girl time and approach the topic subtlety and naturally. Don’t make the focus of the evening to tell your friend how you feel about her other half – this will look too suspicious and will only upset your friend. Just remember, this is your friend’s boyfriend who she is probably quite protective of, so respect her feelings and be delicate in your approach.

After you have told her, make sure you make the negative situation into a positive one. Explain how much you love her and tell her the reason you’re concerned for her is because you think she deserves someone as fantastic as she is. She may not agree with you at the moment so just be sure to make it clear that your honesty doesn’t change anything between your relationship with each other.

At the end of the day, men come and go but friends really are forever so your ultimate goal is your friend’s happiness and unfortunately, if she feels that lies in the hands of a man, no matter what you think of him, you’ll have to be civil and get on together for your friend’s sake. If everything goes wrong, just be sure to help pick up the pieces and fix her broken heart – that’s what friends are there for.

Good Luck Amy.

With Love, Rich