Sorry if that isn’t your name – I only have your e-mail address to go on! Wow, what a predicament! I know your comment was long and you had a good rant (and so you should), but I’m going to keep this very brief! You’ve told me he’s amazing, he’s everything you’re looking for and you really like him. You’ve checked his phone which is wrong, but we all do it. You’ve found nothing really – let’s be honest. You’ve checked lots of times and haven’t found a thing. Better yet, he’s not deleting the texts and hiding them – they’re all there for you to see. However, he should not be in contact with ex girlfriends if it makes you insecure. It is there responsibility to leave him alone, and his responsibility to tell them straight that it’s not appropriate for them to contact him. Do not mention you have looked through his phone, instead, talk to him about your insecurities and ask that he refrains from any contact with ex girlfriends – he’s an understanding guy, so he’s likely to oblige.

I hope that helps lover…

Kisses, Rich xx

I was in an 8 year relationship with a man that looking back, I should have left after 6 months (those times were fun). I learned that he had (2) children and neither of them by me.

8 months after that relationship ended (not that it was a clean break…though it really should’ve been) I met an AMAZING MAN! He’s kind, respectful, GORGEOUS (never knew I could be so lucky), responsible, level headed, etc.

Needless to say… I HAVE TRUST ISSUES!!! After reading the posts and responses here I am torn. I went through his phone before after an outing that seemed suspicious to me and found that he was texting a coworker that is also a good friend’s ex girlfriend. Nothing harmless per say…but open for interpretation…. I text her back and well… the next day I confessed to him and he was far from impressed with the invasion of privacy but also was understanding of where I was coming from. (He really is pretty reasonable, which at time makes me feel crazy).

Since then there really hasn’t been any issues…unknown to him (I think)I have continued to look through his phone and although there has been communications with females I may not have known about, there is nothing concerning on the topics. I DO KNOW that he is aware of my trust issue and at times has the best of intentions to “protect” me by not sharing things.

So…. here is the question for all of you: Last weekend we say his most recent ex at the park where we take our dog, it was brief…a quick wave, no biggie. She emailed him later that night or the next day and said it was nice seeing him…yada yada. He told me about this and before he sent his reply asked me to read it and wanted me to know. This is respectful and I did appreciate it. I told him I didn’t need to read it to me so he read it aloud and I told him it was nice and thanked him for sharing it.

Now…. here we are 3 days later and I looked through his phone. I tend to do so from time to time.. I just can’t shake it. I discovered texts from his ex prior to the one we saw at the park and from what I know… has a stronger bond with… she sent him a link to a song telling him that when she hears it all she thinks about is him. The next day he replied with something like “there are a lot of songs that make me think of you”. “I don’t remember the name of it but the one that……”

Side note: I am using this as a journal right now to a certain extent… and thank you I know there are issues so here we go.

A. Do I stop looking through his phone?
B. Do I tell him what I found looking through his phone? (he wasn’t so impressed the first time)
C. Should I play it cool? I don’t want to drive him away. And this isn’t me being desperate, he really is quite a freaking catch on many levels… but of course I’m not willing to be taken advantage of just to keep a “catch”. He’s kind, funny, successful, APPRECIATIVE and loves his Mom (who lives hundreds of miles away).
D. I have a REALLY HARD TIME if I try to bottle these things up. I don’t do so well and he knows something is bothering me. I don’t want to push him away but I also want to be treated with the respect that I feel I deserve.
E. Are all relationships hard? I know that EVERY relationship requires some “give and take”. But… when do you know that you should hang on at the RISK of being heart broken again???

That’s what it really is for me I think. I’m scared of being the victim again. But I don’t want that fear to take over this relationship with what I believe to be a truly great man and push him away… GRRRRRR. How do I or do I drive out the thoughts that consume me after KNOWING what is being texted?!?!?!?