My Best Friend Is Racist
Q: Dear Rich,
I have a friend who’s openly racist and I’m so sick of yelling at him – trying to make him realise it’s not okay. I also have another friend who doesn’t even realise she’s racist and it’s almost impossible to get through to her because she thinks her thoughts and behaviour are acceptable. How do you tell your best friend that she paints an ugly picture of the world with such an awful opinion that is technically illegal in the UK, yet she thinks is acceptable?
Thanks Rich,
Gemma, Hampshire UK
A: Dear Gemma,
First of all thank you for writing in with such an unusual topic – it’s always nice to write about something new!
Racism is a horrible thing to experience, whether you’re a victim of racism or someone who witnesses it. Unfortunately our world is full of narrow-minded people who don’t understand that no matter what you look like, or where your genetic origins are from – everyone deserves to be judged by their personality and not the way that they look.
Dealing with a racist friend can be difficult, particularly if as you say they don’t even realise they’re doing it or that it seems ‘normal’ to them. Your friends are likely to have come from families where being openly racist is acceptable and from a young age they have been subjected to racist comments and remarks from people who were influential in their lives while growing up – such as their parents.
I often find the best way to tackle narrow-minded behaviour is to try and put that person in exactly the same position as those they’re being racist to. What I mean by this is try and make them understand how they would feel if they were the ones being judged by the way they looked. No one chooses to belong to a particular race or look a certain way so why should they be persecuted for something they have no control over?
My advice to you would be to approach the subject next time they’re racist in front of you. Calmly explain to them that what they’re saying is unacceptable and why should someone be judged because of the way they look. They’re unlikely to respond to your reasoning as racism is usually deeply rooted in their personality. If they don’t understand or stop, tell them that you do not want to hear anything like that from them again and that if they respect you as their friend, they’ll keep their views to themselves. If they choose to continue to be racist in your presence after you’ve ask them not to, I would wonder to myself why I am friends with them anyway because they obviously don’t even respect you – let alone the rest of the world.
I hope this helps you Gemma – stand up for what you believe in.
With Love,
Rich x
What's up - I'm Rich, and this is my blog, ReallyRich.com - Your Online Gay Best Friend. I'm a pretty average British guy. I love tea, I hate spiders. Don't forget to catch me on Facebook and Twitter!
Hi, I find that there are two types of racists in life, the ignorant racist and the one that knows exactly what they are doing. The first type, I find, are just spouting what they see or hear in certain newspapers or from friends or family, but haven’t really thought about the consequences of this belief. They assume that if they are in “white”, anglo-saxon company then those around them share the same views. The second type, the more unacceptable, one could argue, are those that know exactly what they are saying and have deeply inbuilt prejudices, normally not just about race, but are sexist, ageist, just about every “ist” you can imagine. You can normally discuss the unacceptable behaviour with an “ignorant” racist and after some persuasion they can see the error of their ways and that in today’s society people will not put up with such comments. However, in my experience, the second type will die for their cause and are not even willing to debate this issue as their prejudice is so deep rooted and they consider that they are “right”. Good luck to you and I hope your friends fall into the first category and that they are nice people, but with old fashioned and uninformed views. If they are the second type, well you may as well give up now!
I am almost a hundred percent sure that my best friend is a racist. we are both Hispanic but she’s always whining about how much she dislikes her ethnicity and how much she wishes she were white. And When I listen to Latin music or celebrate my family’s traditions, she’s always making faces and saying how stupid they are. The other day we were watching a movie and a scene came up where a white woman kissed a black man and the moment it happened she hollered out “I would never kiss a black guy!” with disgust all over her face. An other day, a black man was cast for a character in one of our favorite books that will be turned in to a movie, which we had imagined to be white. Personally I didn’t mind, the only problem I had was that the actor is too old to play the character. Anyways, she was so upset about it she kept yelling “Why is he black!?” I told her that it was okay, we needed to see his acting, she turned to me and almost yelled to my face, ” You don’t understand, I imagined all the characters to be white!” It truly chocked me to see her act like that , and even though she’s always been like that since I met her, lately it has gotten worse. And i don’t know what to do because I love her, but I greatly dislike racist people. Can someone give me any advise?