My Best Friend Is Racist

Q: Dear Rich,

I have a friend who’s openly racist and I’m so sick of yelling at him – trying to make him realise it’s not okay. I also have another friend who doesn’t even realise she’s racist and it’s almost impossible to get through to her because she thinks her thoughts and behaviour are acceptable. How do you tell your best friend that she paints an ugly picture of the world with such an awful opinion that is technically illegal in the UK, yet she thinks is acceptable?

Thanks Rich,

Gemma, Hampshire UK

A: Dear Gemma,

First of all thank you for writing in with such an unusual topic – it’s always nice to write about something new!

Racism is a horrible thing to experience, whether you’re a victim of racism or someone who witnesses it. Unfortunately our world is full of narrow-minded people who don’t understand that no matter what you look like, or where your genetic origins are from – everyone deserves to be judged by their personality and not the way that they look.

Dealing with a racist friend can be difficult, particularly if as you say they don’t even realise they’re doing it or that it seems ‘normal’ to them. Your friends are likely to have come from families where being openly racist is acceptable and from a young age they have been subjected to racist comments and remarks from people who were influential in their lives while growing up – such as their parents.

I often find the best way to tackle narrow-minded behaviour is to try and put that person in exactly the same position as those they’re being racist to. What I mean by this is try and make them understand how they would feel if they were the ones being judged by the way they looked. No one chooses to belong to a particular race or look a certain way so why should they be persecuted for something they have no control over?

My advice to you would be to approach the subject next time they’re racist in front of you. Calmly explain to them that what they’re saying is unacceptable and why should someone be judged because of the way they look. They’re unlikely to respond to your reasoning as racism is usually deeply rooted in their personality. If they don’t understand or stop, tell them that you do not want to hear anything like that from them again and that if they respect you as their friend, they’ll keep their views to themselves. If they choose to continue to be racist in your presence after you’ve ask them not to, I would wonder to myself why I am friends with them anyway because they obviously don’t even respect you – let alone the rest of the world.

I hope this helps you Gemma – stand up for what you believe in.

With Love,

Rich x